I feel like I'm a mental patient on the inside, even if I don't show it. One minute I'm mad at the situation, the next I want to curl up under the covers and never get out of bed. If I had the time for that I might seriously consider it.
Other days I'm fine, and I feel like I can smoke this deployment (those moments are always short-lived trust me). I want to soak in every last second, but then again its bittersweet and makes me think of everything we'll miss. Here's a running tally, if you care to know:
my graduation from RN school
my birthday (again)
his birthday (again)
valentines day (again)
karmen's 3rd birthday
our wedding anniversary (again...notice a pattern here?)
my nursing pinning ceremony
me taking my NCLEX (nursing boards)---which by the way, he should be happy about, because I'll be a basket case the night before.
starting my first job as a "real" nurse and not a nurse tech
I know I should be thinking positive thoughts, and all that jazz, but thats really over-rated if you ask me. It's the last thing I want to think about. The only positives to this whole thing (if you can even call them that) are the extra income, and the fact that maybe absence makes the heart grow fonder. I know this will be a good experience for him, and I do realize that they are going on more of a humanitarian mission and the afghan people will benefit from it. But I'm being pretty selfish at the moment.
I am excited though to make my first care package, write my first letter, and give him the 2 "projects" i made for him to take with him to make the time go by faster. I will be fine, and all will be well. That country song called "Tonight I wanna cry" (I think thats the name) keeps popping into my head, because thats exactly the way I feel. Tomorrow will be a new day, and we WILL get through this.