People say that it gets easier with time, but I don't believe it. I think it gets harder. No matter how hard you cry, or how often, you just feel more helpless. Because no matter what you do, think or say, nothing changes. They don't come back. You can't tell them the things you need to. You can't apologize if you need to (and I do big time). You can't change the course of anything, and I swear I get more angry about that everyday.
I miss my grandpa today. I miss him bad, and I can't believe he passed over a year ago. He was the best "dad" I could've ever had, and I wish he was here so I could tell him that. I wish I could go back to the last 2-3 years before he died, and change everything. I wish I had swallowed my pride (more like shame), and told him everything was fine and that I loved him. That it was my fault, and not his.
But I didn't...and here I am.
Lesson of the day: if you love someone, tell them. Tell them often. If they helped make you who you are today, tell them that too. Because if you don't, you may never get today back.